I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
