A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
