I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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