My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
