I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
