How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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