he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
