Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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