i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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