Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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