Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we have pet lesbian snakes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
