Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
