Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
