I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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