Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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