i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
sex in a hospital.. check
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
