I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
