dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
