Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
