dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
