We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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