I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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