Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
