I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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