Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
