I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
