There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
