were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
