this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
