You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
