I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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