That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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