it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
