He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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