Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
