i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
