Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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