Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
