My first STD was from a foam party
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
