i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
