I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
