I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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