it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
