that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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