dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
