Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
