It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
