i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
