that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
