he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How external is "for external use only"?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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