My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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