i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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