it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
