i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
