Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i dont even know how to be here
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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