...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
