All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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