you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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